Time: Evening, May 9, 2012
I’m sure you’ve noticed and I realize that many of my posts are about relationships. It is because I realize that life is about relationships. We are all having “One Big Relationship” with each other. What you think and do, affects me and I, you. How about that?!
Well, I’ve been working through some thoughts and feelings about dating and it’s path to marriage. While many take a haphazard approach to dating, I believe dating is just as serious as planning your career. It is a part of your “family planning”. Yeah, although some front as if they are just having fun, yet, really and truly, everyone is looking for “that one” to catch their attention and capture their hearts. And if…through the process of dating, your goal is to meet your husband or wife, “dating is a serious matter”. You may not acknowledge this fact, but ultimately you are in search of a “partner for life”. Even the playa-playa and the wanna be, act-like-a-man woman who sleeps around and uses her goods to get what she wants, is looking for love. Face it, love is at the core of our being. It is what we seek from others and it completes us. Unfortunately, we have to sort through the layers of mental and spiritual calluses to get to the soft inner being that is light and love. It’s ok though, because we have all been through something and the calluses protect; they are filters, padding and protection from pain.
Today, the most important question on the subject popped up in my mind, “Can I Submit Unto You”. Men love the concept of “submission”, women tend to turn their noses up to it. But, I think that any woman who is able to go deeper than her thoughts and misconceptions about submitting, will find that she deeply wants to find someone who she can submit to. She will want to submit…to the right person, because he will be worthy. However, a man needs to be able to head a woman, mentally and spiritually, then physically, so that she feels comfortable letting him take the lead, his rightful place. I’m not just quoting scripture, I really believe in my heart that male/female relationships are based upon this premise. I think of the concept of polar opposites as elements of harmony; duality as the creator of equality, balance and harmony as TRUTH. Masculine/Feminine natures are quite different, yet in need of the other for balance, as a complement, to harmonize. I believe in the natural masculinity of men and the natural femininity of women; the natural dominant nature of men and the natural nurturing and supportive nature of women. I see this naturalness in my son and daughter, 3 and 6 years old. My son knows nothing about masculinity and what it means at this point in his development, but at times he exerts this energy towards me, with the intention to lead me. But, you know that’s not happening! LOL! Yet, both masculine and feminine energies and roles are equally important and equally noble.
In thinking about what I would need as a woman in order to answer yes to the question, “Can I Submit Unto You”, my thoughts drifted to RESPECT AND TRUST. I must respect that man and trust him before I would truly submit. This question should replace the part in marriage vows that ask, “Do You Take This Man/Woman To Be Your Lawfully Wedded“. What does that really mean anyway? Never thought about until now, so I googled the term and came upon this article that speaks from a black man’s perspective of what it means to make this vow. He goes into the realities of marriage and growing old together and asks men if this is what they have in mind when thinking of marriage. MEN, this is a good article to read.
However, from a spiritual standpoint, it has no substance, in my opinion. What is more pressing and is the major issue in masculine/feminine relationships is SUBMISSION, ONE TO ANOTHER.
yielding, or readiness to yield: a willingness to yield or surrender to somebody, or the act of doing so
Willingness, means that one freely chooses to surrender, to yield to…another. This is a beautiful process that I think will happen naturally when RESPECT AND TRUST are elements of the relationship. To be able to submit yourself to another is all done in love for the other, I’m realizing. My heart swells just thinking about it. SUBMISSION IS AN ACT OF LOVE. So when the scripture says to submit yourselves unto God or unto your husband or wife, it is assuming that you LOVE GOD and THAT YOU LOVE THAT MAN OR WOMAN. How else would you be able to submit? RESPECT + TRUST = LOVE
TO SUBMIT MEANS TO RESPECT, TRUST, HONOR, SUPPORT, CLEAVE, BE OF SERVICE, BE TEACHABLE, BE HUMBLE…TO LOVE
TO RESPECT AND TRUST REQUIRES A MEETING OF THE MIND AND SPIRIT… THEN THE PHYSICAL… SUBMISSION UNTO ONE ANOTHER.