THROUGH DARKNESS… INTO LIGHT

What helps a person hold on in a life or death situation, such as being stranded in a desert or on a boat floating in the middle of the ocean? I’m sure a part of them wants to die at some point, to escape the feelings of helplessness and desolation, solace and extreme fear. Maybe the only reason people survive is that a carnivorous animal wasn’t that hungry and the person just wasn’t willing to take his/her own life. So, they lived.

But, I know there are some survivors that will to live for reasons: a vision for their lives, to see their children grow up, to make love to their wife or husband again…  I don’t know, maybe sex is the last thing on your mind in these situations, but something kept them pushing and striving.  And I’ll bet you the things that kept survivors of near death experiences alive is the same things that gets everyone through the hard times in life. You know those dismal times in life, the times when you thought nothing could be worse with the exception of dying; the times when you felt it would be best to just disappear and never be seen again? Yeah…  

I remember in design school, after working so hard and still having my portfolio overlooked for review for our school’s credentialing board.  Afterall, I had exceeded my professors’ expectations on several occasions when I was told that my design ideas would be too difficult for me to accomplish.  OR WHEN… the only guy that seemed to tap into a part of me that was sacred, decided after a year of dating that he would just step away because our ethnic and cultural differences would be too much for our relationship to survive in marriage.  I WAS DEVASTATED!

On both of these occasions, I felt as if the world came tumbling down. It took all I had to hold back the tears. But as soon as I opened the door to my apartment, my heart burst like a balloon! I had put so much of myself into my designs and no one wanted to recognize it, until I suggested that they use some of my work  and then they decided to take a “couple” of pieces for the credentialing reviews.

And that break up, left me wandering and numb for a while, trying to understand what had happened. It seemed so sudden… But, maybe it wasn’t. Maybe it hurt so bad because it was something that I had no control over, not because “it” was so right. I was left to hash it over so many times in my head, until I finally accepted the decision with or without my questions being answered.

All in all, I got through it. But, to get through it, there was a bit of darkness, self-pity and anger. In the darkness, I could not see the light of day, the flowers or the trees, I could not breathe.  In the self-pity, I looked back over memories of other situations where I felt like the victim and wallowed even more and cried even harder. Why me?!!!!!! I was being the best that I could be and I still got dumped on! NOW I WAS ANGRY!!!!! And I finally saw the “possible” truths… that my professors were overlooking my work because they were prejudiced…Afterall, I had exceeded their expectations of my abilities. What other reason could it be? The boyfriend…was a coward!! What manner of man breaks up like that and so suddenly, with someone who he cares about???!!! He didn’t deserve me anyway!!!!

Darkness  ~ Self-Pity ~ Anger, were the phases that I went through before clarity began to set in… before the cleansing and the understanding. The cleansing felt great because I began to see the light, the pity shed away and happiness slipped in. The lesson to learn became clearer:

 1. No one is to blame, not even the person that did the hurting.

 2. The person was just being themselves and doing what they felt was best for them.

 3. You have no control over another person’s feelings or actions, decisions.

 4. The wrongs that are done against you are not a reflection of you or what you deserve.

 5. Because of the experience, you are stronger and wiser.

 6. Struggle builds character, mental and spiritual strength each time it knocks you down.

 7. Muscle strength is increased each and every time you get up.

These two situations were two times in my life that I felt like I was experiencing some sort of solar eclipse that only I could see and feel. But through the darkness, I found my way out, with my heart as the guiding light. I realize that it is the heart’s desire to succeed, to live and to love again that helps us through the tough times. Our desire to be whole again is what pulls us through into the light.

Just as when the harmonized celestial workings of the universe reveals itself in a solar eclipse, the perfect alignment of the Earth, the Moon and the Sun, so will your spiritual growth be evident as you go through the overshadowing of the difficult times and come out on the other side of darkness and into Divine Truth.

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